It is the big day! The day you’ve been planning for over a year and it’s finally here! All those meetings with the caterer, the linens, the DJ, the florists, the photographer, the videographer, and the list goes on and on. But you know what? It’ll all be worth it in the end because you cannot wait to see your daughter walk down the isle to marry the man of her dreams.
Did you think we were talking about the bride’s big day? No, we’re talking about “Momzillas”. We’re all familiar with “bridezillas” but we’re talking about the when your mom stages a coup d’état and hijacks your wedding. You’ve only just said “yes” and she’s already scheduled meetings, picked out dinner menus, and started a list of HER guests. We have seen them all and today we’re going to talk about what you can do to take back control. After all, your mother has already had her day and now it’s your turn!
Pre-empt the momzilla planning
Set the stage for what you want out of your wedding as soon as possible and discuss the budget and overall wedding vision. Be frank and discuss what you want and your budget. Be confident and don’t let yourself get railroaded. Then, and only then, can you start to channel your momzilla energy in the right direction. This preempts the over planning of grandeur before it even starts. The difficulty in this is that you may not know what you want at the early stages. In fact, most brides believe they are more flexible than they really are and are ok with anything, so they place their trust in their momzilla. This starts the stage for your momzilla to take over. It’s hard not to fall into this trap because, after all, she’s been through it before and has had years (or decades) to think about what she would do differently.
Warn your coordinator
This is key. Your coordinator will know exactly how to carry out your wishes gracefully and respectfully in the warzone of opposition. Be very frank and let your coordinator know about your momzilla. The last thing we want is your coordinator carrying out instructions that are not your own. Think of your coordinator as your own personal mediator who has special interpersonal skills to handle this situation exactly.
Delegate specific tasks!
Give your momzilla something to do. Think of her as free labor. Those personalized and handwritten invitations with hundreds of envelopes that need licking aren’t going to prepare themselves! We’re not actually saying you should assign cruel and tedious tasks for momzilla. We’re just saying you should keep her busy with something she’s good at. Does she really have good talent in calligraphy? That is great for invitations. What about natural talent in floral or décor? This is an essential skill that could be good to utilize. And there’s always the tried and true way of assigning individual tasks such as shopping around for a cake baker, finding affordable linens, etc…
Go with an all-inclusive package
This is the easiest approach because most of the services are already included. There is nothing for your momzilla to seize control of. It is already set or at the very least, limited. Prices are also usually lower when bundled together and that is hard to argue against.
Don’t let your momzilla pay for your wedding
Ok, this is actually extremely hard to do! I mean, really, who doesn’t want financial help in one of the biggest expenses of your life! This is very often the core reason why your momzilla believes it is her right to control your wedding. But there is a trick to this. Let your momzilla pay for something else that isn’t really wedding related such as a honeymoon. If it must be wedding related then channel the costs into something specific such as catering. This way, her control is channeled onto the perfect dinner menu! You should choose your battles and let her have that or anything else for that matter.